Today, I told myself not to think about it. It is not usually my way to dwell on such things. Usually I press on in any difficult situation, so what is wrong with me lately? My legs were going numb just from sitting. I was at at my desk all day drawing and took multiple, on-purpose, breaks to move my legs about and do my little shuffle.
For some reason I had to use the bathroom a lot today. As I worked, I was happy and humming. But, then it calls me. I have to go to the bathroom. My unpredictable nemesis lately. I struggle to get to the bathroom in fear of not making it in time. I have to worry all the time. I have to feel every move with great difficulty and concentration. Every step I silently chant to myself, "Don't fall. Don't fall..."
So, how I can I just forget about it? Previous years it never required AS much thought as it has this year. The progression has been more drastic.
It finally hit me. I'm not trying to think about it, it just thinks about me all the time. I am doing my best to (mentally) press on, but in everything I do it calls me. "Pay attention to me". It consumes so much of my day. Everything I do or even think about doing it's like I have to create a mental plan. A fire escape plan.
"All family members meet in, 'X' marks the spot, please".
It is a record. A broken one. On, and on, and on. I was thinking of drawing an old record player to illustrate my point, but then thought of the toy/product, 'Show 'N Tell'.
Show 'N Tell is a Phono Viewer; a combination record player and film strip viewer made by GE in the '60's. It looks like a little television, but had a record player on top. The record player tells the story and the slide strip projects images on the TV. The mechanism for slide advancement is a turntable mechanism, so requires manual rotation. It was known for its difficulty in aligning, or syncing, the story (record) and the slides (illustration).
Cool little item for its day, I am sure. There are several ways I could use Show 'N Tell as an analogy for life and the like. As for HIBM trying to consume my every thought, simply by using its tactics of consuming my every move, I will try to drown it out. I have too many things to do in life to let it stop me. Perhaps this will be a power struggle between it and I. Hmmmm...
As I was drawing this illustration, my hands were so shaky. My lethargic fingers had trouble gripping the pen as I was trying to keep a straight line. I had to intently think of my lines, so much that it felt like I was walking path. I was following the line in my head. I walked it. I finally just said, "Screw it", and decided if the line wants to be shaky, then that will be the style.
With that, Happy New Year! I am excited to give 2011 a run for its money.
Here is a youtube video of the actual product. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgcJV_Shbkg